Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

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  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (49680) Bad night (2203)
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  (818): View more from California

  my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

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  (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9
  Replies (30) Good night (5869) Bad night (892)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.

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  (708): so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone. http://tfl.nu/y8ai
  Replies (16) Good night (4522) Bad night (806)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.

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  (847): why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair. http://tfl.nu/rhhz
  Replies (26) Good night (842) Bad night (5673)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news

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  (305): Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news http://tfl.nu/t3j8
  Replies (46) Good night (586) Bad night (5900)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.

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  (508): I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week. http://tfl.nu/6t8r
  Replies (16) Good night (3482) Bad night (1331)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

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  (319): Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again. http://tfl.nu/9aen
  Replies (10) Good night (3590) Bad night (1260)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going

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  (519): I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going http://tfl.nu/hix8
  Replies (4) Good night (2803) Bad night (1106)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do

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  (713): in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do http://tfl.nu/zxnc
  Replies (7) Good night (1970) Bad night (574)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.

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  (309): He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways. http://tfl.nu/72i4
  Replies (10) Good night (1019) Bad night (2383)
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  (760): View more from California

  I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?

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  (760): I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways? http://tfl.nu/qqdu
  Replies (12) Good night (4462) Bad night (596)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.

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  (250): At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here. http://tfl.nu/zp01
  Replies (7) Good night (785) Bad night (2210)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.

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  (218): Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out. http://tfl.nu/tj30
  Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (769)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.

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  (506): There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet. http://tfl.nu/yw9h
  Replies (23) Good night (1011) Bad night (479)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?

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  (856): Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them? http://tfl.nu/b8rj
  Replies (4) Good night (294) Bad night (702)

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