ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
