Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  How wet are you?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  Ever heard of a U-boat?

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  (908): How wet are you? (1-908): Ever heard of a U-boat? http://tfl.nu/c25g
  Replies (16) Good night (3960) Bad night (656)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

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  (240): she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever. http://tfl.nu/656k
  Replies (27) Good night (5878) Bad night (681)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"

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  (815): i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out" http://tfl.nu/k16a
  Replies (9) Good night (1594) Bad night (5514)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.

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  (540): I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him. http://tfl.nu/377w
  Replies (31) Good night (1758) Bad night (5995)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.

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  (203): They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court. http://tfl.nu/8rt0
  Replies (10) Good night (6461) Bad night (1024)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.

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  (512): Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later. http://tfl.nu/arob
  Replies (5) Good night (2711) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
  Replies (4) Good night (2341) Bad night (818)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.

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  (903): We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort. http://tfl.nu/9819
  Replies (1) Good night (1273) Bad night (498)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."

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  (303): I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions." http://tfl.nu/0cl8
  Replies (3) Good night (895) Bad night (534)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I think I might cry.

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  (417): I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully. (1-417): I think I might cry. http://tfl.nu/g5az
  Replies (10) Good night (535) Bad night (1023)
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  (916): View more from California

  BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you

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  (916): BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you http://tfl.nu/atej
  Replies (1) Good night (1060) Bad night (436)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.

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  (480): He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart. http://tfl.nu/1a7j
  Replies (6) Good night (1154) Bad night (406)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  "Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...

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  (306): "Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning... http://tfl.nu/awmt
  Replies (0) Good night (595) Bad night (352)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?

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  (732): if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire? http://tfl.nu/mryp
  Replies (4) Good night (540) Bad night (328)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best

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  (503): I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best http://tfl.nu/0r3u
  Replies (3) Good night (517) Bad night (215)

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