so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
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the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
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Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way