i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.