I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵