please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil