dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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