Will you blow on my dice?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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