I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
