Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
