We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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