I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
