4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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