remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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