What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
