I met the friendliest cop last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
