He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
