i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
