It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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