Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
