After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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