That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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