Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize