i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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