You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
