I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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