this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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