My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I believe in your delicious
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
