Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
