how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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