If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
