i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
