tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
