i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
