I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So. Much. Porn.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
