Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
