I met the friendliest cop last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize