UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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