I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
