Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
