We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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