i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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