I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
