to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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