i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
