i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
