i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
