Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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