Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
