why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
