My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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