he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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