new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
