I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
