Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
