quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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