the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
