new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You took a bar mat shot.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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