After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
