Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
