I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
