Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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