Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
