Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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