allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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