arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
