Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
