she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm bleeding and have questions
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