Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
4 words: hood of his car
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im part way to drunk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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