im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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