Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
