it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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