Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
