She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
