so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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