I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
