so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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