i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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