happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
